Following my Inner Orange....

A couple of months ago I went to a party at one of my mother's friend's house. Not sure why I was hanging out with her crowd, but it was cool. I ate good food and drank ... and drank ... and drank. And before I knew it, oops, I was d.r.u.n.k. Like, whoa!!! Fell into bushes, thrown in the pool fully clothed, peed my pants drunk. Yep, and my mother was too! Ha! At that party, one of her guy friends was wearing a Tshirt that I thought said "follow your inner orange" on the front of it. The Universe was speaking to my drunk ass! I HAD to have that shirt!! That was SUCH a powerful message!!  Lucky for me, I have pretty-girl-power, (so what if I made a scene!) and the guy friend took it off and gave it to me. See, orange is my favorite color. :) Not sure how in my weirdo brain that means anything powerful, but it totally spoke to me. After I sobered up the next day, I discovered the Tshirt was for Shock Top beer (ugh, I hate beer) and the front of the shirt emblazoned their logo (perhaps the friend was wearing Tshirt backwards??) and what it actually said was "release your inner orange" -- which incidentally is just as powerful in my heart.

Anyhoooo ... long story short ... Follow your Inner Orange became my message. :)

What does it mean, you ask???

My inner orange is every single ounce of self-love in my heart. It is my ambition. It is my meditation. It is my little child. It is my freak coming out. It is my dorkiness. It is my event planner, bringing people together. It is ALL the self-help books, articles and quotes I've ever read. It is the friend that listens. It is the helper that helps. It is my heart smiling. It is gratitude. It is cookies, ice cream, coffee and mac-n-cheese. It is a warm blanket and a good movie. It is the sun on my face. It is the weights I lift, the sweat on my brow, the exercise I need. It is a healthy meal. It is the paint on my canvas. It is art I feel. It is my hips I shake, the booty I bounce, the dance in my step. It is my therapy-however, whenever, whatever I chose for that to be, at any given moment.

It is my essence. My core. My being.

Unfortunately, I lose my way off this path very frequently and sometimes have a hard time finding my way back. Being in a rut SUCKS! I have super duper awesomely amazing friends/people in my life that help my find my way back, to show me how to love myself as is, to encourage, to challenge, to inspire, to accept me that way I am (no small feat!) Every single one of these people are a part of me "following my inner orange" and I consider myself very luck and very rich for them.

I feel as if I'm back on the right path and things are good. The Universe is smiling on me (knocking on wood right now). I'm always a work in progress, but it's all good. Life is good.

And to further help myself get on the right path and STAY on the right path ... this became my latest tattoo inspiration. :)

INDEED!!

Loving Myself - I'm awesome!

Loving oneself is not an easy task. Especially for a woman. Not that I'm being sexist or anything, but I relate to being a woman because, well ... I am one ... and the journey of loving myself has been tough. Feeling pretty, feeling smart, feeling sexy ... all seemingly unattainable feelings in the roller coaster of my mind. I've never felt very pretty - more plain jane than anything - thanks to the frizzy afro some call hair and the facial polkadots some call acne. I have the bad habit of comparing myself to the more beautiful, a very bad habit! I've never felt very sexy either. At only 5 foot 1.75 inches (not quite 5'2") ... I do "cute" well, but sexy? I dunno.  And I'm petite in height, not so petite in size, thus making it almost impossible to find clothes to fit me, because in the Fashion World of every store including Goodwill, petite = skinny. Sigh ...

Oh, and I wear glasses too .... and I'm highly awkward. Dork is an understatement. :)

So, this blog isn't about berating myself or anything, it is supposed to be uplifting, to which I'm off to a great start I see!! Seriously, my journey includes feeling bad about myself every time I try on clothes or go to the beach or looking in the mirror ... but my journey also is about loving myself just the way I am. I'm sure everyone has heard or read that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, and that was hot back then. Somehow that doesn't equate in my brain as hot now, as I have issues with buttoning up my size 14 jeans, but it's true. Sexy people come in all sizes, this is something I'm learning throughout my journey. Dare I say I'm hot?  hee hee

It's easy to cut other people slack, giving them the benefit of the doubt in miscellaneous situations. But when it's time for you to cut yourself slack, it's a whole new ballgame. I'm the toughest critic, the worst therapist, the most horrible partner to myself. I am my own self-esteem's worst nightmare. Why?!?

I believe in going to the gym and eating right. I think doing healthy things is very important. I believe in trying, to put forth the effort. It makes me feel better as a person, it feels like growth on this journey. I like lifting weights. I like eating broccoli. Really. I'm not lying. The part I don't like is beating myself up over skipping the gym one day, or eating the french fries with my Whopper.  The terribly guilt I place in my mind about eating that Taco Supreme Combo, or deciding that I have a headache and don't feel like going to Kickboxing .... to which I sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself after the decision.

NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It ends now. This week I made the executive decision to not go to the gym on Tuesdays. The husband asked why. My response, "Because it makes me a happier person not to." Meaning, by making the decision to take that day off, I will feel NO guilt. I will love myself no matter what.

It's been a great week too since I've decided to love myself the way I am. I AM hot!! My friends think so, it's about time I think so as well.

Some motivating thingys i found on the interweb ... pay close attention to the fine print in the first one. :)

DAMN STRAIGHT, GIRL!!

My life

Lately, I've been smiling a lot to myself when I think about my life. I've had a tough week this week and reached out to a friend to help get through it. I usually don't ask for help with my problems, just wallow in my own self-despair, oh, the drama. Do you know how great of a feeling it truly is to be able to call for help from a trusted, loving friend? This past weekend we went to a birthday party and everyone was so very excited to see us when we walked through the door a little late. It was like the party hadn't started until we got there. That's a great feeling too. To just feel so much love from these people we call friends.

I've never been a popular, cool kid. I had 1 friend in high school. 1 friend as a young adult. They were and are great friendships, but I never had a "circle of friends" before.

Until recently that is. I am truly grateful for it too. There is a lot of love from this eclectic group of people. We have our usual little tiffs and there is gossip behind backs of course, but it's a great circle of friends. Friends you call "chosen-family" and that's amazing.

And I'm truly grateful for each and every one of them, individually and as a whole. They love me! They love my husband! We are the cool, popular kids now. It's sooooo weird!!! It shows me how valuable I am to them and the community we are involved in. Sometimes, I forget and think no one likes me and blah blah blah. But the reality is ... I'm awesome and my friends reinforce this on a regular basis.

So ... I'm trying to dig myself out of this rut of in-my-head-self-despair. I need to learn how to cut myself some slack without feeling guilty and beating myself up. I need to learn how to fall in love with myself. If my friends all think I'm amazing, well ... they must be on to something, right? Love my flaws, my curves, my eccentricities, and my .... flair. hahaha.

Step one ... Getting my hair done!! Friday at 4:30!!!

Step two ... Getting my toes done!! 2 Fridays away!!

Next, gonna work on getting back into painting, planning more events, organizing house/life, get healthy too!!

Put it in MOTION! DO IT!!