Loving Myself - I'm awesome!

Loving oneself is not an easy task. Especially for a woman. Not that I'm being sexist or anything, but I relate to being a woman because, well ... I am one ... and the journey of loving myself has been tough. Feeling pretty, feeling smart, feeling sexy ... all seemingly unattainable feelings in the roller coaster of my mind. I've never felt very pretty - more plain jane than anything - thanks to the frizzy afro some call hair and the facial polkadots some call acne. I have the bad habit of comparing myself to the more beautiful, a very bad habit! I've never felt very sexy either. At only 5 foot 1.75 inches (not quite 5'2") ... I do "cute" well, but sexy? I dunno.  And I'm petite in height, not so petite in size, thus making it almost impossible to find clothes to fit me, because in the Fashion World of every store including Goodwill, petite = skinny. Sigh ...

Oh, and I wear glasses too .... and I'm highly awkward. Dork is an understatement. :)

So, this blog isn't about berating myself or anything, it is supposed to be uplifting, to which I'm off to a great start I see!! Seriously, my journey includes feeling bad about myself every time I try on clothes or go to the beach or looking in the mirror ... but my journey also is about loving myself just the way I am. I'm sure everyone has heard or read that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, and that was hot back then. Somehow that doesn't equate in my brain as hot now, as I have issues with buttoning up my size 14 jeans, but it's true. Sexy people come in all sizes, this is something I'm learning throughout my journey. Dare I say I'm hot?  hee hee

It's easy to cut other people slack, giving them the benefit of the doubt in miscellaneous situations. But when it's time for you to cut yourself slack, it's a whole new ballgame. I'm the toughest critic, the worst therapist, the most horrible partner to myself. I am my own self-esteem's worst nightmare. Why?!?

I believe in going to the gym and eating right. I think doing healthy things is very important. I believe in trying, to put forth the effort. It makes me feel better as a person, it feels like growth on this journey. I like lifting weights. I like eating broccoli. Really. I'm not lying. The part I don't like is beating myself up over skipping the gym one day, or eating the french fries with my Whopper.  The terribly guilt I place in my mind about eating that Taco Supreme Combo, or deciding that I have a headache and don't feel like going to Kickboxing .... to which I sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself after the decision.

NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It ends now. This week I made the executive decision to not go to the gym on Tuesdays. The husband asked why. My response, "Because it makes me a happier person not to." Meaning, by making the decision to take that day off, I will feel NO guilt. I will love myself no matter what.

It's been a great week too since I've decided to love myself the way I am. I AM hot!! My friends think so, it's about time I think so as well.

Some motivating thingys i found on the interweb ... pay close attention to the fine print in the first one. :)

DAMN STRAIGHT, GIRL!!

My life

Lately, I've been smiling a lot to myself when I think about my life. I've had a tough week this week and reached out to a friend to help get through it. I usually don't ask for help with my problems, just wallow in my own self-despair, oh, the drama. Do you know how great of a feeling it truly is to be able to call for help from a trusted, loving friend? This past weekend we went to a birthday party and everyone was so very excited to see us when we walked through the door a little late. It was like the party hadn't started until we got there. That's a great feeling too. To just feel so much love from these people we call friends.

I've never been a popular, cool kid. I had 1 friend in high school. 1 friend as a young adult. They were and are great friendships, but I never had a "circle of friends" before.

Until recently that is. I am truly grateful for it too. There is a lot of love from this eclectic group of people. We have our usual little tiffs and there is gossip behind backs of course, but it's a great circle of friends. Friends you call "chosen-family" and that's amazing.

And I'm truly grateful for each and every one of them, individually and as a whole. They love me! They love my husband! We are the cool, popular kids now. It's sooooo weird!!! It shows me how valuable I am to them and the community we are involved in. Sometimes, I forget and think no one likes me and blah blah blah. But the reality is ... I'm awesome and my friends reinforce this on a regular basis.

So ... I'm trying to dig myself out of this rut of in-my-head-self-despair. I need to learn how to cut myself some slack without feeling guilty and beating myself up. I need to learn how to fall in love with myself. If my friends all think I'm amazing, well ... they must be on to something, right? Love my flaws, my curves, my eccentricities, and my .... flair. hahaha.

Step one ... Getting my hair done!! Friday at 4:30!!!

Step two ... Getting my toes done!! 2 Fridays away!!

Next, gonna work on getting back into painting, planning more events, organizing house/life, get healthy too!!

Put it in MOTION! DO IT!!

phantazmagoria: It's good to have resolutions.

phantazmagoria: It's good to have resolutions.: I promised myself that I was going to blog once a week. It's one of my new resolutions. I'm not a writer. i don't know what to write about....

It's good to have resolutions.

I promised myself that I was going to blog once a week. It's one of my new resolutions. I'm not a writer. i don't know what to write about. This is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Everyone can appreciate that, I suppose.

I started a continuing education class at UNCW. It's an online deal, so I don't actually have to go anywhere or meet anyone. That speaks to my inner-introvert. Yes, I have one. I was initially embarrassed about the telling people I was taking the class I was taking. I don't like to admit my short-comings. I'm supposed to be an "expert" in the field I'm in. I needed encouragement from the few people I told and even then, I still procrastinated signing up. But I did, and I started Wednesday. Yay me.

Intro to Photoshop CS4 is what I'm taking.

Embarrassed because I use Photoshop everyday at work. I am not exaggerating in the least bit either. I am a graphic designer in a printshop. We use Photoshop all the time.

I realized that taking this class would be beneficial because I took Photoshop in college 13 years ago. It was Photoshop 5 then, I think. Don't you think that it has changed since then??! Well, all these new tools and filters and bells and whistles now offered in the application, are things I've never learned. Sure I could just look at a tutorial, but I hate learning that way. This feels better - paying for it justifies it somehow in my brain! hahaha.

I was worried I wouldn't learn anything helpful. First lesson into it and I learned a new way to color correct photos. It was cool too. So, now I'm off to do lesson 2.

And I'm pretty certain that I'll be taking more UNCW con ed classes in the future. There is even an event planning class. woo hoo! I love event planning.

I think that I will definitely make taking these classes one of my resolutions.

In the book that I read that I'm always gushing over, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, she said that the single most important thing that kept her motivated for her resolutions was keeping a Resolution Chart. I am going to do that too. What better way to reward myself than with STICKERS!! I love gold stars!

Re-inventing blog and myself

Journaling is supposed to be a very therapeutic tool and blogging is journaling. So, I'm re-inventing this blog for my life lessons and growth purposes, to be therapeutic. Originally, I was using this blog as a business tool because I believe that a successful business in this day and age needs to have a strong online presence. Blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking, emailing, internet marketing is more powerful than any god. Any business that doesn't do these things is nuts.

Perhaps I'll mention this to my boss. I don't want the company I work for to go out of business. Recently, I read a book that changed my life and adjusted my attitude towards my work and my company. No job will ever be perfect. I genuinely LIKE what I do. I am a graphic designer in a printshop. The book I read was called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. The career-life-changing line I read was:

"Too much concern about whether I was getting praise or blame, spoiled my pleasure in my work and, what's more, probably weakened my work."

To me, this was life-changing because I do really like what I DO, but my bad-attitude towards office politics ruined it so much that I hated, dreaded going into work each day. ISN'T THAT HORRIBLE?? So now I smile and try to be cheerful and helpful and courteous, and all the good things that make a good employee.

In this book it also said happy people are more successful. There was a lot of great things in this book.

Anyhoo ... from now on this blog will be for my personal growth as a human bean - a life long process, I know.

Things I'm working on:
Speaking up
Not taking things so personal
Cutting people slack
Asking questions
Learning new things
Not shying away from the unknown.

Oh, and StumbleUpon.com is one of the greatest inventions ever. This is what I found yesterday: